Hi Su-Z, its good to see some ladies can appreciate a sensitive man. Just because I am wearing a jumper and glasses and look like I'm a gay it doesn't mean I am. In answer to your problem, FFP stands for my favorite treat when I'm hungry - Fish Finger Pie. Its my own recipe and closely beats Pasty Sandwiches into first place.

Just as you have help fill this chap's penile void I would have thought your boss may have already filled your position so don't worry about that. So pull yourself together and realise you need to make the most of a bad situation. You obviously have a good internet connection in there and, I hear, lots of other women to chat to - maybe you should set up a coffee shop with internet access or a day spa or something. I get the feeling it's going to get busier in there soon so there are lots of opportunities for the penile void banished entrepreneur.

Hi Virginina, that's the spirit! The fact is that you now don't care anymore. The unrealistic expectations that blight most people's chances of finding a mate have been cast aside. Now that you have declared this I'm sure something will call you - and soon!

Either that, or try squat thrusts - between 8-11 per week should do it.

Aah, 1986, that was indeed a cold one. But perhaps you need to see your affliction in a new light. You no longer have to wait in line for your morning coffee - a quick rummage around in your trouser region and hey presto, where did that queue go? Can't get onto that packed tube? Tear off your y-fronts and you have the carriage to yourself. Or perhaps you would find you are getting through too many pairs of undercrackers so you could fashion some sort of quick-release velcro flap for easy access?

You don't have a problem, you have a super-power. Once you realise this the problem will be resisting the urge to grope around your love-void every time you get frustrated.

PS, whether they ended up in another dimension or not, 300+ lady conquests you're going into the Dr Brian Brenda hall of fame.

Hi Miss Brendon, you sound like a cheeky little fox. The guy you refer to is me, I suggest we meet up so I can show you exactly how gay I'm not.