Dear Dr. Brenda FFP

Do you have a romantic problem that may be worth running past our self proclaimed romantic problems expert? Perhaps you are too hairy, you have bad breath or one of your balls is a bit itchy. Maybe your appendage has been likened to half a cocktail sausage with an acorn on top or you found the G-spot only to lose it again. Whatever your problem post it here and see what Dr. Brenda thinks.

Problem Records 11 to 14 of 14

I have gone on an eating frenzy and am now over 20stone. I need to lose 3 stone before valentines day or I'll get left on the shelf again. What can I do?

Betty - 04/02/2009 14:31:19

Dr. Brian Brenda FFP Says:

Have a shit.

I've been having these feelings that I may be bi-sexual, but I've been straight for as far as I can remember. I feel like this because I look at other girls and it makes me feel like its wrong to look at other girls. I know that I may not be but I have the feelings of being bi-sexual and can't stop thinking about my friend. Am I bi-sexual?

Crystal - 04/02/2009 14:28:23

Dr. Brian Brenda FFP Says:

It's hard to tell. Bring your friend to my office with a bottle of vodka and we can find out for sure.

my b/f just broke up with me and told me he was cheating on his ex with me then cheated on me and her with someone else. what should i do to get revenge?

Lori Load - 04/02/2009 14:27:38

Dr. Brian Brenda FFP Says:

Paste a photo of him in phone boxes with his mobile number and the message 'I'm a massive bumder so I love bumming and being bummed. call me so we can chat about man-love'.

I have what one girl described as 'two old grapes next to a baby carrot' in the trouser department. I try to be serious but all the girls just laugh and I still haven't made sweet love to anything and I'm 24. What can I do?

Cocktail Sausage - 02/02/2009 12:06:53

Dr. Brian Brenda FFP Says:

open a greengrocers mate. as long as the carrot is locally sourced you should have no problems off-loading it sooner or later. RE the grapes, I suggest you try making some love wine.
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